Vulnerability

So I held off on writing anything for a long time. I told myself it was because I had a lot on my plate with my other blog. But in reality I just came to realize, this blog makes me feel vulnerable, and cut open. I don't talk about how I really feel ever. Except for with one person, Meribeth Leniger. She has been m saving grace and sent me on my healing path. I don't open to people fully, because in my experience the following happens:

1. They don't care.
2. They don't fully comprehend the magnitude of what I am saying. 
3. They tell me I need to relax and take deep breaths (SHUT THE FRICK UP TO THOSE PEOPLE). Deep breaths isn't going to manage my pain, vicodin is so let's face the facts here, you need to listen better. 
4. They pity me and don't treat me as an equal. 

It's hard, to open up when everyone you talk to is constantly telling you what you are feeling isn't real. It isn't just doctors and nurses I am talking about, it's close friends. I've set up barriers around myself pushing out those that were once close to me, the past few years. I'm sick of being hurt. I guess that is unhealthy, but it's the truth. 

To this day, my current close friends and even parents, don't know the magnitude of my pain and symptoms. I mean yes I tell them, but it started upsetting my mother so I stopped. I don't want to know that you feel sorry for me, I just want answers. Because the life I was living was no life I would wish on anyone. That is so very depressing. But I promised myself I wouldn't censor anything I said on this blog.

Fortunately as of late, I've found a community online who understand the debilitating systems I go through. I realized I don't have to go through this alone. Others are there who are willing to listen and lend a hand. 

If someone confides in you about their chronic illness say something along the lines of: Let me know if I can do anything to help. It will save you and them a lot of heart ache. 

1 to 7% of children suffer with this condition. If I would have been diagnosed when I was eight I could have been saved countless doctors visits, tests and medicine trials. Admittedly there isn't much education in the medical community about this condition. Combine that with some of the other issues I face and it is the perfect storm. 

Learn more about childhood and juvenile fibromyalgia HERE! 

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